I and my wife have been married for over twelve years now, and we have never gone through any major conflict of interest till date. Despite occasional arguments over trivial matters, our children have never seen any violence in the house. I feel this has been possible because both my wife and I know our boundaries well and respect each other’s views. We never take unilateral decisions when it comes to family matters and we always consult each other and because of this, I feel our married life has been going on smoothly so far. We got engaged in May 2003 when I was still in the university, yet we have managed to walk together the unexplored path of life sharing happiness and sadness, successes and failures, and problems and solutions. Today, we have been blest with two sons and one adopted daughter all of whom have made our life extraordinarily beautiful and lovely.
Trust is an integral part of any relationship and I feel it is this special bond of love that keeps me and my wife together in the same boat, no matter what turbulences come our way. We believe that we have been destined to live together, helping and supporting each other until our death. Whatever we do, we always work on the basis of mutual understanding and interest. To bring up a happy family certainly requires a lot of compromises and if one fails to provide some safe space for his or her partner, life would be miserable for the entire family. We follow a simple principle: whenever I tend to lose my temper in an argument, she keeps quiet to let me calm down and I do the same when it happens to her. That way, we have been able to avoid unnecessary disputes in the family which might mentally disturb our children. More importantly, we don’t pay much attention to our private life. No matter whether I hang out with my friends or get home late, she never suspects me of engaging in any act that would hurt our relationship and I do the same. I don’t mind her hanging out with her friends at anytime of the day as long as she gets back home at night. But she is usually a stay-at-home girl and she does not go out unless her friends invite her or come to take her. I have learned a great lesson out of our relationship: if you trust your partner fully, you will never find any reason to be jealous or suspicious about him or her, and this is the most important factor that contributes to the success of any relationship. The sense of insecurity and jealousy arise only when we don’t trust our partners. Today, I and my wife still live like good friends, openly sharing our concerns and secrets including our past love stories. I am absolutely happy with what and how she is. I never dictate what she should do or how she should behave. After all, she is somebody else’s daughter and I don’t own her body. She is born with her own rights to do what is right and I give her a space to do whatever she wishes.
But some women are not as lucky as my wife. A couple of days ago, an old school-friend of mine had come to see me and in the course of our conversation, she told me about her marital life. Her story literarily gave me frostbite in my heart. She has got a very aggressive husband who treats her as though she were a hostage. She told me that he wouldn’t let her go anywhere and even if he allows her, he keeps track of her movement every now and then. She told me that her life has become like hell after marriage. The worst part of the story is that her husband had once left her and married another woman, but after a couple of months, he came back to live with her again. When she refused to accept him back into her family, it seems he threatened to snatch away her baby-girl which she could not agree. In the midst of their hot arguments and fights, the baby-girl was traumatized so much that it seems she still cries whenever somebody around her talks in a loud voice. The baby seems to be still struggling to recover from that traumatic experience. This is how domestic violence affects the young brains of our children. Likewise, there are many women who have been suppressed by their domineering husbands. There are also some men who have been physically and mentally tortured by their domineering wives. In either case, the most important thing to remember is that our spouses are somebody else’s sons or daughters and that we have no right to spoil their life. Once we have committed our life to our partners, we are responsible for their safety and wellbeing. If things do not work out well, it would be better to break the relationship, rather than continuing a miserable life together.